He Thinks, She Thinks
by TwilightObsessedMell
Summary: Ever wondered how Edward survives classes without Bella? By peeking at people's thoughts, of course! R&R Please!
1. He Thinks, She Thinks

**Hey guys!**

**After receiving a few friendly critiques on my writing for this story, I just wanted to tweak it slightly to suit Edward's higher level of vocabulary.**

**I don't think I did him enough justice, but I ran out of good synonyms for words so I thought I'd leave it at that (haha).**

**Enjoy :)**

**OH. And P.S., all the 'rules' used in this story are from a Girlfriend magazine I wasted $5.00 on. Don't judge, it came with a cute headband.**

**Hahahhaa.**

*******

Edward's POV

_Edward Cullen._

Reflex reaction. I turned in the direction where my name had been 'called' to find Alexandra Henderson, pulling out her math books with a small frown. I diverted my gaze back to my books, but continued to listen to her thoughts.

Alexandra was a predictable human, and although we'd never physically conversed, I quite enjoyed the tenor of her thoughts. They were quite amusing. Usually, anyway.

No matter how clearly I made my relationship with Bella, the misplaced infatuation of the naïve children of Forks High haunted me at every turn.

I sighed, disappointed by Alexandra. I thought she'd been an exception.

_Yeah, Jackson Harding liking me is about as likely as _Edward Cullen_ liking me. Impossible._

I felt a small smile creep to my lips, internally sighing in relief and laughing at my own arrogance. I'd obviously made judgements too soon.

Through her mind, I observed a slightly obscured version of the male in question through her peripheral vision.

_Though, he _is _still looking at me… No, don't be stupid. It's just your imagination. He's probably looking at Lauren beside me. Yeah, that'd be it. Now, what was that trigonometry rule again? Something about sine or tan…_

I resisted the strong urge to roll my eyes. Alexandra's self-confidence was utterly deplorable. Intrigued however, I turned my attention to Jackson Harding's thoughts.

_Wow, she's so god damn cute! Mike did say not to waste my time though; I mean Lauren said she was a real bore, but… Damn, she's just so hot!_

Jackson was practically salivating upon his trigonometry. I stifled a laugh at the sight.

Who knew the once predictable 12th grade math could be so amusing?

I focused back upon Alexandra, who had taken another fleeting glance at Jackson by this stage, with the clear intention of being stealthy, now unable to concentrate on her math.

_Could he really be staring? It looks like it… Okay, okay, play it cool. What did that magazine say again? Um… something about being gorgeous… Oh, 5 Time You're Gorgeous And You Don't Know It! Yeah, that was it!!! Okay, number one…_

_1. Wearing Glasses: Some girls feel nerdy in glasses. Nothing could be further from the truth. Glasses give a girl character; it's the whole sexy librarian thing._

I stifled another laugh; I had been under the impression that even the adolescent youths of the human race had more maturity then to pay any attention at all to the drivel written in thus said magazines. The blatant exploitation of teenage self-esteem issues seemed to be a pivotal selling point in the publication and I had assumed that this was obvious to the target market. Unable to help myself, I stooped to the level of slipping into Lauren Mallory's mind to observe Alexandra's actions, curious. Truly, she couldn't actually believe the nonsense?

Apparently she did.

The body of Forks High hit another all time low.

Alexandra was, extremely self-consciously I might add, pulling out a small spectacles case from the depths of her bag. From the tenor of her thoughts, she'd been struggling all morning with impaired vision without them, but had chosen to take the meaningful advice of Jessica Stanley and had kept them 'as far away from your face as possible!' Well, at least the garbage was useful in one sense.

I turned my interest back to Jackson, expecting to observe yet another example of the fickleness that was the human mind. For the umpteenth time that period I was pleasantly surprised.

_Oh man! Just when I thought she couldn't get cuter, she pulls out the specs… No, if I don't want to be teased, best to go with Mike's advice… Right?_

Alexandra was internally ecstatic as she observed through her peripheral vision that Jackson had yet to turn away in disgust.

_Okay, okay, what was number two again?... Oh right,_

_2. Biting your lip. When a girl bites her lip, guys' legs start shaking uncontrollably. They're like dogs trying to stand up in moving cars. They just lose it._

The temptation to roll my eyes skyward was increasing by the second. A human had actually been payed to write that nonsense? Even more alarmingly, it had even been published and obviously sold?

Literature these days was quite the disappointment. I comforted myself with the knowledge it hadn't always been so.

I watched through Jackson's thoughts Alexandra's horrible acting skills as she feigned difficulty with a math question that was deplorably simple, half her lip disappearing in the process. Even my beautiful Bella could act better than _that_ and she was quite hopeless. I chuckled at the memories as I listened to Jackson.

_Wow, she's gorgeous, even when she's having trouble. Should I go over and help her? Nah, who am I kidding, I suck at math, and Mr Varner would probably have my head._

I had to pry my lips together in a firm line to control the laughter that was threatening to expose me. The mere idea of Jackson attempting to help anyone with math was, at the very least, hilarious.

Alexandra however would have enjoyed nothing more.

_Who knew these would work? Moving right along…_

_3. Playing with your hair. It allegedly means you are digging boys like a shovel. It makes them think of running their fingers through it; basically, there's no bigger turn on._

Alexandra, very 'subtly', leaned her arm against her desk and rested her head onto her palm, nearly bumping an irritated Lauren Mallory in the process. Recovering quickly, she used her free hand to twirl the end of her tresses, held in a twist around her neck, between her fingers. It seemed to have the desired effect; Jackson's eyes were becoming slightly unfocused as he blatantly stared.

_Her hair looks so cute up; nah, who am I kidding, it looks cute full stop. I bet it's soft too… Aw come on man concentrate! You can't afford another fail on your report card; Dad already took away the car! Gotta do math, gotta do math…_

Jackson tried, unsuccessfully, to turn his attention back towards his math, still watching Alexandra through his peripheral vision. No longer able to control the urge, I rolled my eyes; sine 60° definitely did not equal Alexandra Henderson.

Alexandra however couldn't see Jackson's glances in her direction, and was crestfallen.

_Well, there goes that. Did you really believe any guy, let alone _Jackson Harding_, would really like _you_? You're more stupid then I thought!!! I knew he was actually looking at Lauren, now I've gone and made a fool of myself!_

Concentrating deeply upon her math to hide her disappointment, Alexandra's shoulders slumped slightly. Her self-esteem had decreased once again alarmingly; though could one really expect any less from a girl who sat with Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory?

Just when it appeared my 5th period entertainment had ceased and I began to prepare to endure the tedium once more, Alexandra sneezed, unintentionally 'recapturing' Jackson's attention.

_Aw, I've never seen anything more adorable! Damn! But she'd never like me, right? Nah, that's almost as likely as _Rosalie Hale _liking me. That wouldn't happen in a million years. _

I smirked, making a mental note to mention this particular thought to Rosalie. No doubt she'd take pride in the knowledge that the entire male body of the school used her level of affections towards them as a reference to the impossibility of a situation.

_Oh wow, thanks rule number four!_

_4. Sneezing. When a guy sneezes, big globs of phlegm fly in all directions. When a girl sneezes, a cutesy, "a-choo" squeaks out. Some say "Bless you". Guys say, "You are sooooo good lookin'!"_

I shook my head in utter disbelief, dumbfounded. And these magazines sold? It was simply inconceivable!

And to remember the rules so precisely meant she'd managed to read the drivel more than once without burning it in disgust!

_Okay, ten minutes left… That means there's just enough time to test the last rule…_

_5. Laughing. A girl giggling and smiling is incredibly hot. Remember happiness, like hepatitis, is infectious._

Alexandra quickly scrawled a note to Lauren about the state of the math teacher's hair, passing it to her lithely. Lauren enjoyed nothing more then laughing at the expense of others, and had been ridiculing Mr Varner for his poor fashion sense mentally since the start of the period. Alexandra hit her mark and the pair instantly broke out into quiet convulsions of laughter, Alexandra 'stealthily' peeking once again to see the reaction.

_That's it, screw Mike!!! I'm asking her out after class!_

As the bell's shrill ring signified the end of class, the corner's of my mouth turned upwards slightly as I watched Jackson's 'casual' approach to Alexandra. Hopefully Alexandra would continue to purchase these magazines, who knew what new material they could provide her with? 5th period would never seem tedious again.

Shaking my head, I departed to lunch, eager to share the stupidity of my classmates with Alice and Bella. The sight that presented itself in front of me however stopped me dead in my tracks.

There, sitting innocently, looking like an angel, was _my _Bella. _My _mature, intelligent, _sensible _Bella.

Open in front of her was a glossy magazine. The topic?

5 Times You're Gorgeous And You Don't Know It!

***


	2. The Peril of Rule Number 3

**Hey again guys!**

**Seeing as people seem to be really enjoying this story concept, I tried my best to continue on with it and still keep it entertaining :)**

**Sorry for the huge wait though. You know, school and life and everything. And how small this is too.**

**Anyway, thanks to **spunkygirl517 **for being my 'muse' all those months ago and giving me an idea on how to continue on**** :)**

**Just a reminder, most of the rules belong to the 2008 April edition of Girlfriend (Happy New Year btw), and none of the characters belong to me. If they did, I'd be a tad richer right now, and wouldn't waste my money on trashy magazines.**

**OH WELL!**

**Enough with my blabbering;**

**x.x.x.x.**

**Edward's POV**

Until the day I had met Bella, my life had been, in many ways, mundane. School had been a chore, and life had simply been made up of ways for me to fill in eternity with as little boredom as possible.

Back then, I believe I had described school as purgatory. With Bella by my side, I had never described Forks High as such again.

Until now.

Jessica Stanley walked past my table in the cafeteria for the umpteenth time, twirling her hair in such an obvious and overdone fashion that I pondered absently how the strands could possibly still be attached to her head.

"_I wonder if he saw me? Oh, if only I knew those rules earlier!" _

I suppressed a groan as Alice broke out in almost silent giggles. At least this was amusing someone.

Bella, who was far too observant for her own good, caught the slight change in my expression before I could right it and frowned apologetically.

"I'm sorry Edward," she murmured so sincerely that I was sure Jasper, all the way back home, could feel my guilt. "If I'd known-"

"Don't worry about it love, it's nothing." I half-lied soothingly, throwing in a forced smile for her benefit. Because it wasn't _entirely _Bella's fault anyway, and it wasn't like I wasn't used to misplaced infatuation…

At that moment, Lauren Mallory distracted me from my thoughts as she walked by our table again (it appeared Jessica and Lauren were having a contest), this time choosing to yank out the tie securing her hair back dramatically. She then began thrashing her head from side to side in a move I assumed was supposed to be alluring, before twitching her eye in an odd fashion in my direction.

Bella and I sighed twin sighs as Alice lapsed into uncontrollable laughter again.

No, purgatory was too milder term. I had fallen straight into the depths of hell.

The very magazine which had given me so much amusement the week before; was now the very source of the pain I was now forced to endure.

My thoughts floated back to the moment this had all began…

_I stood horrified, watching the scene unfold as if it were in slow motion. Bella looked up at me from the trash magazine that she had no doubt received from Alice, and smiled uneasily, blushing._

_I almost breathed a sigh of relief. Yes, she should be embarrassed being caught reading such an article. No doubt, we would soon laugh at the contents and forget all about it._

_But my breath hitched in my throat as I saw her lift her fingers to her hair._

_And suddenly I couldn't think anymore. Each individual auburn strand was mesmerising, the slight red tinge in each revealed by Bella's pale white fingers behind them. The blush which still stained her cheeks slightly darkened as Bella's eyes widened in surprise, the reason behind this unknown to me. How could one creature be so captivating, so radiant, so stunning-_

"_Edward, why are you gawking at Bella in the middle of the cafeteria?" Alice's high pitched voice interrupted my marvelling._

_I frowned, shaking my head slightly. What exactly had I been doing again?_

"_I was doing no such thing." I muttered. Edward Cullen admired, never gawked. Attempting to hide my chagrin, I walked quickly over to join Bella._

_It would have worked too; if not for Jessica Stanley._

"_Did you see that Lauren!? Do you know what this means?! THE RULES WORK!" She exclaimed from across the cafeteria in excitement._

Yes, from that moment I'd been doomed.

The gossip had spread like wild-fire throughout Forks High. The secret of how Bella Swan had 'snagged' Edward Cullen was right under their very noses. The rules _actually_ worked!

The very next day, every female of the school body (teachers and students alike; and disturbingly a few males), had purchased a special edition of the magazine Alexandra had possessed, this edition containing the article "_15 Times You're Gorgeous and You Don't Know It"_.

From that day on, I had endured lip biting, feigned sneezing, shrill laughter, and even some new rules like winking (Rule 6 – 'sure to make him stop in his tracks!') and yawning (Rule 12 – 'he'll have to pry his jaw out of the floorboards!') at every turn.

Rule 3 however had been the standout favourite. Yes, Edward Cullen couldn't escape the sight of people playing with their hair. Even now, half the student body in the cafeteria was 'absentmindedly' twirling their tresses, throwing hopeful gazes at me, willing me to notice their attempts.

And these rules weren't just popular with the students. Teachers and administration staff were no different. Even the new male student teacher in mathematics had come to twirl his fingers through his hair whenever he thought I was watching.

Yes, hell was the term I was looking for.

What was worse was what it was doing to Bella; who was currently looking unreasonably guilty.

"Bella, listen to me. The fault lies with Alice, not you. Please, smile for me love." I looked imploringly into her eyes, willing the crease between her eyebrows to disappear; or at least lessen some.

Alice huffed.

"You're the one who gets all antsy if Bella's left alone without reading material to stop her human admirers from conversing with her, Edward!" She paused, lowering her voice slightly. "At the time, even I didn't foresee how amusing the results would be though…"

Bella frowned even more guiltily as Alice divulged into laughter once more. "I should purchase teenage literature more often!"

Yes, my situation had caused unnecessary amusement for my family.

Emmett and Jasper were currently engaged in a bet to see which could make me lose my temper first; and Alice had helpfully supplied all the material they needed to make me loose my mind.

Emmett was more prone to fluttering his eyelashes (Rule 9 – 'alerts attention to your gorgeous puppy dog eyes. Yes – guys are suckers for them'. Apparently, he failed to remember my dislike for canines) for a large period of time whilst wearing fluorescent pink pyjamas (Rule 11 – 'you may think your pyjamas make you look frumpy and dull. Guys think you're warm and cuddly!').

Jasper, in turn, had chosen to wear stereotypically male t-shirts and boxers (Rule 8 – 'don't ask us why wearing something a dude would wear turns guys on. It just does'), whilst drenching his upper torso with water (attempting to re-enact Rule 7 – 'Getting out of the surf – although you might feel like a drowned rat, there's nothing sexier. One word; two syllables - mermaid.') Jasper often liked to imitate a dog to get an edge up on Emmett by shaking his head dry near my music collection. I had my suspicions Alice informed him of that idea, as Jasper won hands down. Not to be outdone, Emmett had called a rematch soon after, much to Alice's amusement.

Yes, my home life was also hell.

The only one in the family which hadn't found the situation amusing, surprisingly, was Rosalie. However her reasoning behind this was hardly comforting. More like nauseating.

Whilst she found the magazine trivial; she was well aware of whenever she looked attractive (always), my dilemma disturbed her for all the wrong reasons.

Yes; Rosalie was insanely jealous that no one in Forks had yet to use even one of the rules upon her yet. In her eyes, I was undeserving of their affections. In fact, she had near begged Carlisle to allow her to repeat twelfth grade, just so they could be divulged upon her.

When that had failed, she'd began chauffering me too and from school instead, and had taken to tearful departures and joyful greetings, all the while standing unnecessarily long in the car park, waiting for anyone to twirl their hair at her.

Unfortunately for Rosalie, all the males of Forks High were exceptionally frightened of her quite muscular beau, and none had dared to partake in the current school craze. Once she had learned this reason, Rosalie had completely ignored Emmett's existence for two days. Upon the third, it had become too much of a chore, and Rose had given into Emmett's pleading, but she still felt quite a large level of resentment towards me.

As yet another girl walked past licking a lollipop (Rule 10 – 'Watching a girl trying to negotiate her way around a nice piece of confectionery is like tickling a guys foot – he loves it.'), I failed to see how even the attention seeking Rosalie would enjoy this.

I was about to tell Alice off for even suggesting she would buy Bella more magazines when a certain thought of Jessica Stanley's made my blood run cold (theoretically, if it were possible that is).

"I have to go home. Now. Yes, home - wait, home's not safe either. A journey? Yes; a journey! I must go on a journey, now!" I muttered incoherently, my eyes unfocused in my terror.

"Edward?"

I ignored Bella's questioning tone as I stood. This was a matter of life and death. Just as I made it out of the cafeteria (walking slightly too fast – but this was an emergency), I heard Jessica voice that particular thought.

"Oh. My. God.; Lauren!!!! _Girlfriend _is releasing a super-special edition! 40 rules! EDWARD'S OURS!!!!"

**x.x.x.x.**


End file.
